Losing my sex drive was one of the most frustrating times of my life. Add on doctors telling you there’s no reason for it to be happening and you start to spiral a bit. The betrayal of your body not reacting how you want or having to turn down sex because you know it won’t feel as good as it once did. It’s embarrassing…
Somewhere along the way, I think we all forgot sex was supposed to be fun. Sex is messy and awkward. It’s intimate and passionate. We’re surrounded by sex every day and yet we still find new ways to shame ourselves out of enjoying it.
The link between low sex drive and poor self image
You can have everything right.
A partner you trust, a scene you’ve both agreed on, you’ve been planning this night for weeks.
You have the perfect lingerie set on and you’re just about to reveal it to him when you catch a glimpse of your reflection.
Have those stretch marks always been there?
Why is my stomach rolling my garter down like that?
He tells you that you look beautiful and he can’t wait to get started. But you’re no longer feeling it. Suddenly you feel too exposed and not wet enough at all.
How is it that the night started out so great and now you’re struggling to stay present in the moment?… again.
Losing my sex drive
I was always known as the hyper-sexual friend of the group. The person you called if you needed advice on how to give a prostate massage or get a condom unstuck. Before having kids, arousal was never something I consciously had to make an effort for.
But postpartum is no joke and it took me experiencing three years of a dry spell to realize that I never learned how to masturbate properly and it was affecting my entire approach to sex. Let me explain…
The art of letting go
For most of us, our first sexual experience came from quiet (and efficient) masturbation. Holding in our moans whilst also listening to make sure no one was coming down the hall to catch us. Before fully understanding anything about sex, we learned to hold ourselves back.
There was no full body boneless release when I was alone. There was no intimacy or exploration. The main focus was reaching a quick muffled release where I was stiff as a plank. Too embarrassed and ashamed to move because heaven forbid someone finds out I have needs.
Add on the early unrestricted internet access and it’s no wonder we believed that sex had to be performative.
In porn, the woman is always moaning and enthusiastic, confident enough to look the camera or her partner in the eye.
She doesn’t get leg cramps from being spread open and she always always gags prettily.
Every time I was shown sex it was from the male gaze and it sprouted this seed of insecurity in me that I couldn’t possibly be sexy or free enough to experience sex so carnally.
Audio erotica finally got me out of my own head
Let’s be real for a moment and think about the last time sex was as easy as porn made it seem.
When was the last time you didn’t have to stop in the middle for a water break? Or tried to do a new position and instead just ended up bonking heads on your way in?
One of my favorite aspects of audio porn is when they add the fumbling and the awkwardness of sex.
The story plays out like a conversation between you and the voice actor complete with sound effects and background noises to fully immerse you. Maybe he confesses his love for the first time, or maybe you meet in a bathroom and you’re both over-eager. You’ll hear a sound effect of something getting knocked over, the voice actor will apologize or chuckle…It becomes interactive. So much so that you start to believe he’s here with you.
I can’t tell you how many times I didn’t even realize I was in my own head until I’d laughed listening to an audio…
I can’t tell you how many times I didn’t even realize I was in my own head until I’d laughed listening to an audio and found my way into the comments cracking up about everyone else’s reactions. Most recently it was the “Gimme that gluten” line in the After the Barbecue audio with Mr. Robinson.
That little bit of laughter released upper body tension, I didn’t realize I was holding. It brought me back in the moment enough for me to quiet my overthinking mind. That’s never happened with traditional porn.
Finding sexual pleasure alone to be sexually free with a partner
We’ve grown used to rushing ourselves to the finish line. We close our eyes while we’re on top because we don’t want our partner to see the “faces we make.” We go into masturbation looking for a release but before we even begin, our thoughts are already working against us.
If we can’t feel comfortable finding sexual pleasure alone, how can we expect to be sexually free with a partner?
You can say I look sexy all you want, but because I’ve convinced myself that theres no way I look attractive right now I’ll always believe you’re lying.
Before audio erotica, I had never moaned before during masturbation. I honestly didn’t even know you were allowed to do that when you were alone. The irrational embarrassment of someone hearing through the walls would freeze me up or take me out of the moment if I tried making a sound.
Traditional porn isn’t meant to be about you. It’s not created to evoke emotions and it won’t make you cry like some audios will.
It’s to show the overly sexual version of intercourse to excite you quickly enough so you finish before the video turns off.
The actors do not interact with you, and it’s rare to see a real female orgasm. Which always made it very obvious I was staring at a screen alone in my room.
Closing your eyes and diving into an audio is euphoric. It brings on all the best tingly sensations from ASMR which put your entire body in a heightened state. Because your awareness is no longer on what you look like, you focus on the sensation. Pulling you into the scenario and out of your room. Orgasm denial audios are amazing for this for the overstimulation alone. You’ll be so busy writhing and growling in frustration you won’t think about anything else but your release.
Check out Let Him See Us voiced by Mr. Gallo for a good example.
Audio erotica can strengthen intimacy between partners
I never used to be into face-sitting. Just looking down at my own body would prevent me from enjoying myself. My mind refused to believe that a guy could get enjoyment out of it. Out of seeing all of me. And maybe other women can relate, but when a guy tells me something positive I have a hard time believing they aren’t just saying what they think I want to hear.
BUT, hearing a man written by a woman, praise you about how beautiful you are, does wonders for your self-confidence. Listening to Mr. Gallo enthusiastically go to town on the listener in the “Long Night” audio was all I needed to hear to try it for myself in real life.
Listening to audios together with your partner can also be easier. Instead of you coming to your partner asking them to do XYZ, instead share an earbud. Sometimes it makes men more comfortable hearing other men do things first.
There are a couple of audios now that I have saved specifically for listening together. Opening up the floor for discussion like this builds intimacy with your partner. Even if they are just a casual fling. We can sometimes forget that people can’t read our minds.
For instance, I married my dom. In the beginning, he was struggling with consent checks. He said he couldn’t see how women found the constant asking sexy or found that it took him out of the moment.
Having him listen to Mr. Chambers asking you to repeat your safe word or Mr. Robinson asking you what color traffic light you are, and hearing how it didn’t disrupt the scene has made it so he’s been able to implement that language always.
And it’s been more arousing and intimate knowing he’s paying attention all the more without me having to say anything.
After all, emotional connection is the number one thing that makes a man good in bed.
Explore sexual desires safely and discover new kinks
Sex becomes exciting again when you have an avenue to discover your kinks without judgment. When you’re already suffering from a lack of arousal it can be hard to find something on a porn site that will peak your interest. In the early days of my BDSM journey I thought domination was only about violence and pain since that was all I could find. You watch it knowing it’s not what you wanted but, hey it’s close enough right?
I think everyone has experienced, at least once, the post-orgasm shame we’ve gotten from watching kinkier porn. There’s no foreplay or aftercare so when you start the video you’re expected to be ready to jump right into the scene with the actors.
Then when the video ends and you’re left staring at your reflection on your phone it’s hard to process what to think so quickly. It’s easy to let that negative emotion sink in and without realizing it, you’ve diminished your sexual power.
Audios can be very specific and can range from a slice-of-life office romance, all the way to knotting a dominant werewolf. Since audio erotica is all about the listener’s experience, there hasn’t been a single audio I’ve listened to that didn’t leave me feeling confident.
You should never feel bad about what you are interested in sexually. I’ve always been told, “So long as it’s safe, sane, and consensual you have nothing to be ashamed about.” But I’m going to add to that and say that it should also be enjoyable. In whatever aspect that means for you.
In almost every new audio posted, there are comments saying, “I didn’t think I’d be into this but it was hot” or “new kink unlocked.”
Such as these two audios:
You want to be degraded and smacked around? Own it and listen to Oh Baby You Really Shouldnt Have by Mr. Robinson. This audio is a favorite of mine for this.
Want to fall in love with a vampire inspired by Carlisle from Twilight? Listen to Gift of Life by Mr. Chambers.
Women are shaping their own erotic journey
It’s important to understand that a change in your sex drive does not happen for no reason though. Listening to audio erotica alone is not going to do anything to help you unless you use it as a tool.
Women are no longer afraid to admit we are sexual beings with our own wants and fantasies. It’s exciting to see the shift in society as we all continue to embrace this together as a collective.
Porn went from something that women pretended to not consume. To now, us openly sending each other audios back and forth. Especially if you go on social media like TikTok.
Audio erotica brings lightheartedness back into sex by not only giving us the freedom to react but by giving us a safe space to explore ourselves without judgement. Allowing us a moment’s reprieve from our overanxious minds in a way traditional porn never could.
Audio erotica isn’t a magic wand that will fix all your libido problems, but it sure is a VERY helpful tool. And if you want to see if it can make as much difference in your life, as it did in mine, join me on Best Kept Secret so we can listen to hundreds of audios together and claim back our sex drives, one recording at a time.
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